Ishna leaves home

 March 29, 2024. Four months down the road and the little birdie will fly out of the nest, fully stretching her wings to take on the entire world. Yes, she will have to be wary of the cliffs that have a potential of derailing her flight, but when did she take counsel for her fears. I have a gut feel and pray to God that her flight path mostly become a gliding session where she soars to new heights all along. The feeling is surreal, more so for a teenager than for mature adults, where she will have to navigate the swim lanes herself with no Papa or mummy physically present to take care of daily mundane things, be it buying groceries, reminding to take medicines, waking up for school etc etc. Ishna nobody is going to wake you up from bed early morning and you can sleep all that you want. Not that she has not been doing these things herself or needs some hand holding. I am proud of having raised a pretty independent and confident young lady who can fight her odds any day and beat them and has a wonderful sense of time management. I must admit, I am surprised at times as to how she manages to get it all done in so less a time. May be she has perfected the juggling art into a science form.

I still remember that day of November 2006 when I drove her from St. John Mercy hospital in Creve Couver (a suburb of St. Louis, MO) where she was born to Rolla, Mo where I was an International student. And how the nurse taught me to strap and buckle her in a rear facing car seat. I have not always done a clean job with the car seat thing as I dropped her on floor once at a friend's house. Luckily she was not hurt. I remember driving to Neodesha, KS from Rolla a few months later upon my graduation where I would get my 1st job in US and driving the car into a ditch while negotiating a curve at high speed. Stupid me. How I was relieved to see people extracting her out of the car seat. This time too, I was lucky or was it "Hari Icha?" I don't want luck to run out on me. May be I can be accused of being selfish. But I would argue-Selfishness is good on some occasions and leave it at that and don't digress the talk toward that topic. 

Growing up a child and that too in an alien land with no trace of culture (where the society is based on fake constructs only aimed at instant gratification of senses) has been a big challenge and  don't know (and I will challenge anyone who claims to know) whether I have done a good job at that. Let God and God alone be my judge-for he does not judge anyone. I have gone through my pains and accepted them rather than swim against the tide. Growing up a child is one big learning experience and only the lucky ones get to go through it. Picking up on the pains, they started with very basic ones-be it Ishna's 1st or later tummy aches when we learnt that "Prune" was the life-saver here for her tummy-aches(I remember the 1st time she had a tummy ache when she was only weeks old and I was acting as if the world has ended, with the pediatrician telling me that it was only gas), or the "febrile seizure" she had in Neodesha when she was six months old. She had been dehydrated and vomitted about six times that day. By the time Pooja arrived from Rolla(she was a student there at the time pursuing her Masters), Ishna was exhausted and may be her body could not take it any more. That day I realized how wonderful the service that 911 renders to the society is. But had it not been for a 911 first responder who lived. just behind us, I might not have been lucky a 3rd time. I will always be indebted to him as I can't repay the debt.

Ishna has given me many gifts including an Apple watch (I don't claim to use all its features) but her most precious gift to me has been my son-KANYON. Had it not been for her dogged insistence, I would never have met my soul son KANYON and basked in the glory thereafter. Thanks Ishna for that. Sometimes stubbornness is not that bad at all. She has been very knowledgeable about dogs and would know everything about them as a child. I, on the other hand, was never interested in fathering one. I don't know about Pooja.

Speaking about Pooja, her whole world revolves around her daughter. Did Ishna eat, did Ishna get up-O I have to drive Ishna to VB or this or that (Thank God Ishna is driving herself now). I remember when as a child Ishna would come home hungry from each party that we would go to or a friend's place and Pooja would be making Aloo Parathas for her in the middle of the night. I would be peacefully snoring away in my bedroom. May be Pooja will find a little time for herself now and rediscover her identity. Ishna would fall asleep in the car after tiring herself with play at a friend's house and I would carry her to her bed till she became too heavy for me to carry. It is just that I got old and weak-she never picked up any weight-resembling me in my youth-skinny as I was in my teenage.

I am thankful to God for the beautiful, confident young lady that Ishna has grown into. I do not want to paint a rosy picture of it being a walk in the park. It has been a roller-coaster ride with its crests and troughs, its challenges and arguments. But isn't that sign of a vibrant personality. As they say if two men always agree on all the things, then one of them is redundant. Ishna has a BOLD personality and gets what she wants. I don't know whether she has taken my teaching "Don't let anybody bully you" too literally but if she has, at least as a parent, I have one less thing to worry about. This trait would come in handy, especially now that she will be moving out of the house, making decisions on her own and interacting with all shades of people, learning a huge lesson in the process. A good deal. I have to admit, Ishna needs minimum hand-holding. She would manage all the admissions applications, dead-lines, essays etc on her own. Yes she would talk to me on those. That is where a parent should stop rather than trying to micro-manage, living their life through their kid. She handles many things herself and she has shown immense maturity there which other kids won't even dare to touch. 

The feeling that your daughter will be leaving after sometime and living life on her own terms (not that she has not been living on her terms) is very humbling. Humbling because it is a clarion call that says "Hey! You were only the custodian so far and thanks for safe keeping but don't try to be the owner. The property (not that kids are a property) may be too hot to handle and you may end up burning your hands." It is a part of life. God tells me-Your daughter leaving home for school is not the 1st kid to do so. She will be fine. But then for every parent, it happens for the 1st time. And some reaction is only human. Soon it will be only the two of us (me and Pooja) sitting in a corner of the house and brooding over things, or may be end up reinventing ourselves or keeping ourselves busy with other meaningful pursuits in life. So many of them left to do. As they say, if you love some-one, set it free. If it was yours, it will come back to you. Time will tell.

 

Happy For You

 The phrase "I am happy for you". It is so easy to say and presumably leaves an impression on the listener. May be that is why it is said. But is it really that easy and natural to be happy for others. I think it depends on the type of person that you are and one that you want to become. But when we just acquire the habit of saying it at the drop of a hat, it is more of how we want to be seen. It becomes an exercise at honing our PR skills. It is public posturing at the expense of a sweet concept. It is just a PR exercise where we are unconsciously trying to improve the perception the other person has of us all the time.

Though one may not like to agree with above, but mostly it has been seen that we humans derive pleasure when others are in pain and vice versa. We get a little depressed if others forge ahead of us in the race of life and get elated when the mirror of life returns our image for winners. To some extent, I will call it as "survival instinct" reigning over the Samaritan in us and to some extent you can say-Every one of us has a sadistic shade to his personality. I will say both are true. A little bit of this may be healthy and required for your survival but then the danger is that if you continue being happy with others' miseries, it soon will develop into a habit making you a negative person not capable of seeing the beauties of life and missing the opportunities for his own self improvement. So I will say let al of us be a little bit selfish and think of improving our lot before becoming too obsessed with finding fault with others lest that take away your valuable time and energy.

Father of the Nation

Someone who builds a nation, brings together hitherto disparate tribes or principalities can be accorded the title "Father of the Nation" where the concept of nation did not exist before you. There certainly have been historical figures who were responsible for bringing together hitherto disparate people and make them appreciate the synergy arising out of  their coming together. And this synergy has lead to creation of some great countries in the world, the country of U.S.A being a beacon under its founding father George Washington. Father of the nation is a honorific title given to a person considered to be the driving force behind the establishment of a country, state or nation. But the same logic does not hold in case of Bharat and we should not go looking for a "Father of the Nation" because none exists. Even the Brahmrishis who have given us the Upanishadic or otherwise vision were never approached as "Father of Bharat".

George Washington is considered to be the father of the American nation because he brought the erstwhile 13 British colonies together to fight against the repressive policies of the colonial British masters that lead to the establishment of a country that now goes by the name of U.S.A. Bismarck is best remembered for his role in German unification. Historians praise him as a visionary who was instrumental in uniting Germany. In similar vein Garibaldi and Mazzini contributed towards the unification of present day Italy.

According to Puranas, this country is known as Bharatvarsh after the King Bharat Chakravarty. This has been mentioned in Vishnu Puran (2.1.31), Vayu Puran (33,52), Linga Puran (1.47.23), Brahmand Puran (15,5,62), Agni Puran (107,11-12), Skanda Puran Khand (37,57) and Markandey Puran (50,41). Vishnu Puran (2.1.31) states-

"Uttaram Yat Samudrasya, Himadreshrev Dakhshinam, Varsha tad Bharat Naamam, Bharti Yatru Santati"                            meaning 

"The country that lies north of the ocean and south of the snowy mountains is called Bharatam, there dwell the descendants of Bharat.

At another instance one comes across:

"Ratnaakar Dhautpadaam, Himalaya Kiritineem, BrahmaRajrishi Ratnadhyaam, Bharat vande Maatram."                      meaning

"Whose feet are washed by the ocean, who is crowned by the Himalayas, who bears gems like Brahma and Rajrisihis, I bow to that Bharat who is akin to my mother."

Some research scholars also quote similar recordings from other ancient texts, which predate the Greek invasion of present Northwest Indian subcontinent:

"Himalayam Samaramya Yaavat Indusarovaram, Tam Devnirmit Desham Hindusthanam Prachakshet."                meaning

"The country that was raised by the Gods commenced from the Himalayas and extended up to the Indian ocean is known as Hindusthanam".

The boundaries of the ancient Bharat as a nation, as different from the later day nation-state concept, extended way westward from Sind river to the present day Kandahar province of Afghanistan and river Kabul.

Thus we se that the country of Bharat has existed since times immemorial and it should serve as an educating tool to some who think that the concept of India did not exist before and only now the country has come into existence. Some would even stretch their imagination and thank Britishers for uniting us into one country. In fact, I find it quite a disturbing thought to think that someone was responsible for bringing to fruition this wonderful country of Bharat because that robs it of its sense of history. If at all some-one has to be accorded the title of the Architect of modern India, some-one who bore the burden of coalescing different princely states under the auspices of the Indian union after 1947, it has to be that Himalayan personality Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel. Why are we misappropriating a title?

In this case, rather than unification, by dint of your lack of vision, Bharat had already been balkanized with the creation of Pakistan , what with Jinnah not having to do anything with Gandhi's fasts-the only tool he had in his arsenal. Rather Gandhi, I think would have presided over further balkanization of Bharatvarsh with the creation of another Pakistan i.e. Nizam's Hyderabad in Southern India. I wonder then, using what logic can we accord him the title "Father of the Nation". If not presided, he would definitely have blessed it.

The concept "Father of the Nation" becomes completely redundant if the Nation has pre-dated you-the father. Yes, you can be called  "A son of the soil". I am reminded of Vajpayee ji's highly relevant lines here-"Partiyaan aayengi jaayengi, yeh desh rehna chahiye"(meaning -political parties will come and go, what should stay permanent is the essence of the country). 

It does not rile you as much that a foreign concept seems to have been borrowed because of mental bankruptcy but what riles you more is that a historical wrong is perpetrated on masses arising out of sycophancy. Yes, you can accord honorifics to a person arising out of your respect for him. Please do it but you have to be very responsible if it has the potential to assume historical significance and pervert the message which generations down the road will come to accept as gospel truth. If we let personal emotions get in the way of rationale behind something that has national ramifications, that is the point when we should step back. It took Bharat almost three-quarters of a century to assert itself on the global level and grow out of its "Turn the other cheek in" mentality. Fathers don't teach their children to give in to bullies. Rather they coach them to withstand bullying as that is the only way bullies will cower down.

One should feel honored to be accepted as one of the sons of the land and never aspire to be the "Father of the Nation" especially in the Indian context where Bharat-the country is venerated as Bharat Mata. That, I would say is tantamount to treading upon dangerous territory. Those that bestowed the title on Gandhi did a grave injustice to his legacy.

Gandhi's own disciple and India's 1st PM Jawahar Lal Nehru traces the ancient roots of this wonderland in his  book "The Discovery of India" drawing from his knowledge of Vedas and Upanishads. Is he refuting Gandhi to be the "Father of the Nation?" Something that children all across present day India are taught in History text books since childhood. Seems it is time India needs to revert back to its roots of Bharat.

                                                           "Hey Bharat Vande Maatram"

Freedom Narrative

 Everything emanates from the mind only eventually to find its flowering in the form of physical symptoms. Throwing off a foreign yoke similarly will take sometime to vanish from the mind. Which means the reverse is true in this case. If the physical, brute force of the intruder is gone, the slavish mentality still persists in the mind. The mental corruption and the sense of shame that they thrust on us still persists in the Indian psyche to some extent. So prophetic was Winston Macaulay when he advised the British parliament in 1835 that India is a very proud nation rich in its culture and the only way to conquer it will be to make them feel ashamed of their nationality and feel as if everything/every thought is imported from the west. They do merit a congratulatory note as they have been very successful in that endeavor.

 It is high time that misplaced notions , misappropriated titles, out of proportion egos be settled most humbly to where they belong and rightful heirs be accorded their due place.

I don't think there is any need to repeat history; definitely not in the way Indian NCERT text-books were drafted to tell us. As I feel any reporting of facts can't be neutral and will always be biased towards the narrator's creed of thinking. Let every serious student do his own bit and complete his assignment without an attempt to justify any gargantuan blunder or foresight that might advertently or inadvertently made during the way.

Remember, the aggressor will always like to negotiate with the person/parties who are very amenable to his views and where he can get away with most of the concessions. It is neither natural nor practical for him to indulge in negotiating with hardcores who will exact the last pound of flesh and make you leave that on the table.

Enough of this -"De dee tune Azadi bina khadag bina daal......BS". Not that I am trying to discredit someone's contribution towards India's(Bharat's) freedom struggle. No, I acknowledge them with all humility at my command. But it is only human that if you are aggrandizing someone so much so beyond his human capabilities and that too at the expense of others' hard work, it won't be fair to the other person's legacy which you are contesting or straightaway maligning. Thanks to this back search algorithm called Google developed by some smart minds, you can illumine yourself with some clicks and not wait endlessly for a truth to emerge unlike earlier.

I understand it is highly difficult for all of us to get rid of the cloak of conditioning that we have been raised with, made to read as to who the heroes of Indian freedom struggle where and who the villains' were. And we just accepted it at the face value and involuntarily became a part of the damage wreaking machinery when we narrated that half baked story to an innocent neighbor or acquaintance or corrupted the next generation. Please don't do that.

It is only natural if you have been told "so and so" was a villain and by political machinations is made to dock behind a kathgara in a court of law, you will try to disassociate with all his philosophy lest it land you in trouble.

The disassociation which has been stoked out of a fear psychoses' can prove to be quite detrimental to the evolution of a nation or at least slow down the progress as people will hesitate to come forth and lend their hand to nation building process.

Even at the international scene, in the highest echelons of power, you will see that this hyperbole has ben inflated to such an extent that immediately deflating it is going to lead to an implosion which you definitely don't want. It may be prudent here to let time; with the advent of spring; defog the mirror of any dust for images to appear more crisp.

You can let an ordinary person bask in the glory of his ordinariness. In fact, that is the luxury or the privilege of belonging to the ordinary class. No one judges you. As your decisions, be they good or bad, will affect you and you only-your health, your life, your budget but it will be limited to you only. Or if stretched, it may end up having an impact on your close family. But if a person is exposed to social life and exalted to the podium of "Mahatma" then he better come up to the mark. Yes, he will have a lot of detractors, a lot of people baying for his blood, a lot of people hell bent to prove each of his action and utterance biased in one direction and wrong. But once that dust settles down in due course of time, history will reign supreme at the altar of judgment because it won't have a motive to paint anyone black. It will just narrate the events as they occurred and let the seeker absorb the message as per his/her intellect.  

I understand that how a society treats its minorities is  testament to its evolution as a civilized society. In this context I am proud that Zoroastrians; who were driven out of their native Persia by Islamic zealots and they sought refuge in Bharat; were absorbed without any compunctions and they too did their part in assimilating in the ethos of the new home. A real "sah naa vavtu" has happened here. 

In this context, I will say that one doesn't follow appeasement of one particular minority group at the cost of the majority feelings. You don't sing verses rom Quran in a Hindu temple even in the face of stiff opposition from Hindu devotes there. That way you are trampling upon their feelings in a very despotic manner and such thing will have their repercussions. You don't approach a murderer by the honorific of Bhai Abdul Rasheed and then pervert the exalted teachings of Gita to somehow justify your actions. I thought our father of the nation was smarter than that. You are being an emotional despot as if the world (or Indians at large) do not sing your tune, you would go on a hunger strike. If you can convince, convince with the logic of your argument, not with the threat of harming your body. Anyway, as Shri Krishna says in Gita-"This human life us very precious, but is nashvar-subject to destruction."

This is not secularism. This is favoritism being pushed under the garb of secularism. Please don't play with words. Such an attitude on your part towards one particular community is going to sow the seeds of dissention between them and the majority and set the ground for a narrative of discord and distrust which we find in 21st century Bharat.

My Kanyon

 It was a day in May 2019 when my daughter Ishna came to me and said-dad I want to get him home, he is so cute. Not that, that excited me. I had been mowing the lawn and tiringly wanted to get by it without paying any distraction a lot of attention. Anyway we had already put down the deposit on a pet and would get it before winter.

Ishna has always been fond of dogs. She would recognize a dog's breed just by looking at it/it's picture and rattle off it's traits, health concerns, whether it would make for a good pet or not .etc. She had been insisting on a pet dog since she was six years old and now she was twelve. It was getting harder by the day to contain her. I was about to gibe in and yield to het. Glad for my life that I did.

I, coming from a house-hold where cleanliness nd order stood above everything else and never having had a pet in my house earlier, was quite reluctant at the prospect of sharing space with a dog. It is just that there were so many unknowns which I did not know how to handle. What about the fur that would be everywhere? How would I protect my nicely polished wood floor, what about the furniture, the couches and the lamps? Al types of people who has never owned a dog would offer their unsolicited advice. They would say-"Oh you should cover your floor with plastic, don't give it access to every room in your house(Kanyon lords over the entire house-it being his home). Even the lady at the shelter from where we ended up getting Kanyon advised me against giving hi access to all the rooms in the house.

Coming back to that fateful day (I think it was a weekend), we sought an appointment with the shelter (Lynnwood Paws to be exact) to see this beauty. I have to confess-I fell immediately in love with him. And as did my wife Pooja who had previously seen him. And how could you not with his drooling gaze following you everywhere imploring you to take him home. After cuddling and playing with him, we were doing the paperwork to take him home. On way back home, I brought his food, feeding bowls and crate for him to sleep in. Little did I realize that that would be the only night he would sleep in the crate as soon the whole house was his for taking. Soon the crate was up for resale on Craigslist and it was gone. 

Rest as they say is history and I am sure the words are not going to do any justice to the emotion, the bond, the pace he has in our lives. Very soon we would find him becoming an integral part of our lives. When we would go camping, he would sleep on top of me or my wife's bed, keen to squeeze in the tiny 4 person tent.

Soon I would be seeing him following me everywhere in the house or if I would stop out to work in the yard, he would start weeping at the prospect of being left alone and I would have to invite him to sit with me on the porch. He is my companion on my hikes and loves to hike all the way to those beautiful alpine lakes that this state is blessed with. One beauty meeting other beauty. 

He can not bear the prospect of having to share me with anyone. He would wait for Pooja to feed him any snacks before coming up to retire in the bed with me. His favorite spot being the one between my wife and me. If I attempt to hug Ishna sometimes, he would come up o his hind legs, give a lowly growl as if saying that he too wants a hug. I can bore you with stories of my son. Such is my son, Kanyon. 

3 Wise Monkeys

 I am sure the title itself gave up the intent of the essay, I am not good at keeping surprises. In a way that is good as it saves me from having to give a lengthy introduction to something that has attained a folk-lore stardom in India (err Bharat)-"Gandhi ji key teen Bandar."

The 3 monkeys where one is holding his hands to his eyes. the other to his ears and the 3rd to his mouth translate into "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil." The statue of 3 monkeys made of China clay was gifted to Gandhi by a Japanese monk named Nishidatsu Fuji and are famous in Japan as Mizaru, covering his eyes, who sees no evil; Kikazaru, covering his ears, who hears no evil ; and Iwazaru, covering his mouth, who speaks no evil. Gandhi names these 3 monkeys as Bapu, Ketan and Bandar and this statue is prominently displayed at the Sabarmati Ashram in Ahmedabad, Gujarat.

This concept has been attributed to be developed by Confucius and then adopted by the Japanese. They were the first to use monkeys to explain this philosophy. But then the question that begs to be answered is -Why monkeys???

In Chinese (or Mandarin to be precise), two similar phrases exist; one in the Analects of Confucius (4th-2nd century B.C.) that reads "Look not at what is contrary to propriety; listen not to what is contrary to propriety; speak not what is contrary to propriety; make no movement which is contrary to propriety. The other is in the book Xunzi (3rd century B.C.)  which reads "The gentleman makes his eyes not want to see what is not right, makes his ears not want to hear what is not right, makes his mouth not want to speak what is not right, and makes his heart not want to deliberate over what is not right."

Again we will come back to the question of why monkeys??? and explore if we find anything resembling this thought emerging from these lands, from the laboratories of Brahmrishis and Rajrishis or does it qualify as imported wisdom as we are taught.

In the Upanishads, the mind is compared to an inebriated monkey that has drunk wine, then bitten by a scorpion and has been assaulted by a hive of bees. And so the famous connotation-Monkey Mind. So it is only natural to use the analogy of a monkey to tame some of the basal animal instincts. 

May I refer to the Shanti Mantra found in many Upanishads-Maandukya Upanishad, Prashna Upanishad, & Kaivalya Upanishad and so on. The first part of the Shanti Mantra which is relevant here goes as -

"Om Bhadram Karnebhih Shrnnuyaama Devaah, Bhadram Pashyema-Akssabhir-Yajatraah,

 Sthirair-Anggais-Tussttuvaamsas-Tanuubhih, Vyashema Deva-Hitam Yad-Aayuh"

 meaning "O Devas-May we hear with our ears what is auspicious, O Devas(who are worthy of worship), may we see with our eyes what is auspicious, with sense organs steady and body praying (due to hearing and seeing the auspicious), may we attain the lifespan allotted by the devas(thus finding fulfillment in our lives).

Thus we see a difference in this shanti mantra at not stopping at some body actions only but also answering the causal action as to what will result from that which the 3 monkeys never told us. We see how how our bodies and sense organs will be stable due to seeing and hearing the auspicious (that is why great stress is placed on participating and hearing the good word in Satsang and kirtan in Sanatan). And we also see how that is invoked to finding the fulfillment in our lives. 

It is hard to resist one more difference where the Shanti Mantra trumps over the 3 monkeys. Did you see a negative word like "NO" or "EVIL" in the Santi Mantra? Ask yourself-does the mere mention of a negative word not conjure up negative emotions, feelings in you. I will leave the answer with you.

Not that I am trying to take the credit away from Japanese or Confucius or Shintoism. etc. No, that would be very childish. Yes different people can reach the same conclusion following paths independent of each other. As the famous Rig Vedic phrase goes "Ekam Sat Vipra Bahudha Vaddanti" (lest it also be hijacked by a pseudo liberal foreign impostor, but that is for another day).

Then why do I make you read all this. I will still have to yield to the person who conquered the summit first, listen to his anecdotes, pay heed to which path he wants me to take and which to avoid so that there are no potholes in it and I may reach my destination safely.

And then there is also a stage in your evolution when you can claim-"I don't care where the news came from as long as it added value to my life." For a realized being, it really won't matter. But for all us ordinary souls, let us not try to feign realization without having arrived and let us bask in the glory of ordinariness.

And (they tell me not to start a sentence with an "and" and when did I oblige) also it is highly improbable that a person of the caliber of Gandhi; like him or not; with a seemingly good knowledge of Sanatani precepts (it is another topic that he tweaked much of it to further his political ambitions in a bid to become the Mahatma) did not know that the same philosophy is embedded in a Shanti Mantra. He could have and should have given it its due credit lest he be accused of plagiarism. 

Clearing the smokescreen makes more sense in view of the constructs, narratives that are out there blurring the real picture.

Swastik and Hakenkreuz

 Sanatani swastik has become a very efficient hate symbol exercised by the vested powers/illiterate hoodlums in west to raise a frenzy against the Hindus, a source of perpetual harassment and embarrassment to the Hindus-as we Sanatanis are rereferred to thanks to the Greek and Persian lisp of tongue.

Let us get down to the basics a bit. Not that I want to get pedantic about what swastik stands for. All of the Sanatani readers know that. But I owe it to the western reader before he jumps to a conclusion with unfortunate results.

It is an ancient symbol used in Hindu culture signifying well-being. Just the meaning of the Samskrit word "swastik" means "conducive to well-being". Then how come such a positive symbol of love came to represent hate or at least that is what is being tried to be shovelled down our throat.

We have allowed the word to be hijacked and incorporating mischievously into Hitler's autobiography-"Mein Kampf". Hitler being raised in an orthodox Christian atmosphere was deeply impressed by the hooked cross which he would see during growing up at several places including the Abbot's statue's coat of arms in Benedictine monastery in Lambach Austria. He details this thought process as to how he implemented it while designing the Nazi flag, Nazi arm-bands (you will ubiquitously see it on those) and all other paraphernalia. He was looking for a symbol that would invoke a hyper German pride among Germans. And what better symbol to use than something that has  a deep religious/Christian connotation. For a devoutly Christian country such as Germany, nothing would resonate more than a symbol connected to their roots and religious beliefs. Someone explain to me why he would use a "Hindu" symbol? What good would it get him?

Hitler has used the word "Hakenkreuz" extensively in his autobiography. It was only an Irish Catholic priest and journalist by the name of James Vincent Murphy (who published the first complete translation of Mein Kampf in 1939) who advertently did all the mischief while translating the word Hakenkreuz. This mischief would come to have very adverse repercussions on present day Hindu population and that too those living in the Western hemisphere where exposure to Vedic scriptures, philosophy, symbols etc is very limited. Murphy deliberately mistranslated Hakenkreuz into Swastika while leaving all other German words in original form or translating them properly in English.

It is evident that Murphy was familiar with native German words that didn't really have English equivalents. Furthermore if there were no English equivalents to these words, I can never for the life of me understand how come "Swastika" became the English translation to "Hakenkreuz". 

Our dear google also got it wrong. If you use google German to English translator and you enter Haken in, it rightly gives you the English translation as Hook. Enter "Kreuz" and you get Cross. Now enter the combined word "Hakenkreuz" and see magic happen. Instead of returning the combined English word HookedCross, which you would have been expecting  it returns Swastika or Nazi swastika.I keep on wondering how Hakenkreuz became Swastika. Even the back page search engine has been corrupted with the virus of political correctness.

I can see some of my politically correct friends smirking in their couches by now and frowning-but it is only a name? Why make such a big fuss about it. Let it go. It may suffice here to say that a lot of hate crime is targeted in this country (U.S.A) on Hindus because of this one mischief in translation done by one Mr. Murphy. 

Here we see a particular Home Owner's Association advising an apartment resident in Boston not to display swastika outside his door and to take it down immediately or otherwise vacate the premises, we see a new car being vandalized because it had been worshipped at the local temple and had "swastik" emblazoned on it. We see "Office for the prevention of hate crime in NY" list swastika as a hate symbol. What a travesty of justice! Shame on them for not having done their home work properly and then not having the guts to call it by its real name-Hakenkreuz or in plain English (if the German word comes cross as a tongue twister)-Hooked Cross. Education and awareness on many fronts is the need of the hour. 

Hitler did misappropriate a religious symbol to further his political career. But that religious symbol was the Christian hooked cross and not the Sanatani swastika.

Selfishness

 Selfishness, though a word with negative connotations can easily be ascribed as the motive behind all human endeavor. Before moving ahead, lest I be accused of spreading perversion and expose myself to misinterpretation, it is very important to explain what I mean by selfishness here, not to give a holistic definition of the term. If one googles "selfishness" for a quick definition, the following come up:

-concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure or well being, without regard for others.

Now, this is definitely bad. We, as social animals have to have a regard for others. Altruism or selflessness on the other hand is the principle and practice of concern for the well-being of other humans or animals. It may even border on extreme by abnegating self but won't that tantamount to insulting the best creation of God i.e. human himself.  

The core of the word here is "self" occurring in both Self-ish and Self-less. Humans have been trained since times immemorial (the western education particularly lays emphasis on it when it comes to preaching about morals) to see things from a binary lens-only good or bad, white or black, in or out etc. It seems as if the world is a binary switch waiting to be flipped. In practice, you see degrees to which a person may be evolved and may be sensitive to, in different domains of human endeavor. I may be more sensitive towards some particular pursuit of life than my neighbor, but that does not grant me the privilege of judging him/her. That borders on radicalism. At the same time though, letting everything pass under the garb of liberalism and all that also is not the wont of the gentleman. Life remains beautiful and worthy of living only if it is lived within certain norms. 

Back to the point of selfishness-

If I identify this self as only my body with complete disregard to how my decisions regarding furtherance of its appearance or my indulgence in carnal pleasures does to those around me, then I stand trial at the altar for being selfish.

Now if I increase the scope of my self to include my wife I become a good husband or include my family, keep their well-being close to my heart, put food on the table (may be because it is cheaper than eating out in a restaurant) and pay my bills, I suddenly transform into a family man and may not be so deplorable in the eyes of the law. Remember I am doing all this from a self ish perspective.

- If I don't care for my wife, she will walk away and I will be miserable

- If I don't care for my family, I will have raised brutes and not civil/thinking human beings that will only come to bite me in future.

- If I don't pay my bills/taxes in time, I will be forced not only to pay huge fines (which no-body in the first place wants to pay) but forgo many of my liberties which hitherto I enjoyed without any restriction. Hence the quality of my life will take a hit.

-Again if I am being good to my neighbor, it may not flow from the goodness of my heart but the self ishness of the gesture being reciprocated. 

Now if you align you interests with the greater good of the people of your country, suddenly flowery words like "patriot" make your way whereas it may just be stemming from a self preservation motive of you having to spend less energy if you are flowing with the current rather than against it. Or your chances of success are magnified manifold if one is surrounded by people who understand where you come from rather than by an alien people.

We don't do anything just for its sake. Every action that we do has to have something in it for me in return. We don't water the thorny weeds for the life in them when we are watering the flower or fruit trees. Instead we weed them out because that is beneficial to us.

We like trees not because they are majestic or create a beautiful scenery or this and that. While that also is true, the ultimate thing is that they take in something that we exhale (CO2) and in return give us something that everybody on this planet (unless you are an extra-terrestrial) needs i.e. O2. There can't be a better deal than that.

Now someone may argue that what I am propounding is a utilitarian point of view and not everything in this world is garnered for its utility. And I whole heartedly agree with that. Utility is a basic human instinct and should be catered for first, but after the material utility is taken care of, other forms of utility-may be more abstract, somewhat philosophical will have to be satiated.  

Koshur Battu

Kashmiri Hindus have a unique mind-set. We want others to fight our battles and will even find otherwise seemingly logical issues why others don’t pick up cudgels for us. I can say it with a degree of confidence-I being one of them-having grown in a KP (as Kashmiri Hindus are called) family with all the hall-marks of a typical Kashmiri batta.

We would discuss it at the drop of a hat why a particular party or an organization didn’t come to our help in our hour of need and how by not doing so they had exposed their sinister agenda. As if somebody owed something to us. We have the unique “VICTIM MENTALITY”. We never teach our children- “Go out and face the world on your own”. Perhaps it is a part of our DNA having seeped into our genome by centuries of KM domination and never asserting ourselves.

I can understand that in the aftermath of our forced exodus from the vale in 1989 you would expect your countrymen to stand by your side (at least a critical number). But if they didn’t what can you do? Crib and complain about it and spend your life like a loser. You have got people in this country shouting “Bharat tere tukde honge” from the pulpits of an educational institution as hallowed (at least till then it was) like JNU. May be the initials themselves didn’t bode well for the country but that is a different discussion for a different occasion.

Let us introspect for a while as to what we have done to correct the wrongs perpetrated on us. In my personal view we haven’t done anything though I will be more than glad to be proven wrong. We started with a very good war cry of HOME_LAND under PK but since then it has been reduced to a pipe dream-what with PK splinters in almost every other KP household. Does anybody even give a serious thought about PK? Some people say it was propped up by GOI as it helped them counter the separatist narrative. But are we reduced to only countering some-one’s narrative? Don’t we have brains sound enough to have our own pro-active strategy? Normally we would hold our noses very high but I feel we have failed (or not attempted at all) bitterly here. How do you expect to pass an examination when you don’t show up at all???

What do we do when Aurangzeb asks us to convert to Islam? Ask Guru Teg Bahadur for help (normally we won’t refrain from cracking jokes at Sikhs). It was ok if it was stopped at pleading for help only but we didn’t stop the revered soul when he offered his own head in return for Islamization. So selfish are we. And then future generation of KPs were never taught to be indebted to Sikhs which we should be.

We have traits highly despicable of civil human beings while thinking we are at the top of the ladder among the civilized crowd-

-we frown upon others’ successes. We are never happy if the other person scores a home run. In fact we have never been taught or programmed to be that way.

-we find faults with others whereas my way of doing things is always right. There can’t be two distinct ways of skinning a cat as per Batta way of thinking. It has to be my way or highway.

- If a common adversity/foe couldn’t unite us, then nothing can. Even animals sensing a potent imminent threat would display a remarkable level of camaraderie to thwart off that threat. This trait is particularly missing from KPs (as Kashmiri Hindus are called) though ironically the absence has given rise to a unique trait because of which we are surviving i.e. “INDIVIDUALISM”.

-

There are others but I am not trying to list them here in order to shame anyone-least of all myself. In fact I am sorry if someone got offended (though he shouldn’t) but I would like to hear otherwise to prove myself wrong.

Yes there are many positive traits also but that is for someone else to brag about those as I am not good at that.

If Only

If only life would have taught me-

not to feel used when someone deserted me,

If only life would have taught me-

not to feel sad when someone walking slower than me won the race,

If only life would have taught me-

not to expect anything from friends when your expectations weren’t met

If only life would have taught me-

not to get bothered by the nitty-gritty of things and instead focus on the big picture,

If only life would have taught me-

to pay attention to details when it mattered the most,

If only life would have taught me-

not to grieve over the loss of loved ones, but instead enjoy the company of those still around,

If only life would have taught me-

to live in the present and not brood over past or worry about future,

If only life would have taught me-

to treat bygones as bygones and not hold any grudges,

If only life would have taught me-

to be at peace with what I have got while striving for more,

If only life would have taught me-

not to get bullied in but to put up a fight for a just cause,

I would be a happier and wiser man today

But if life would have taught me all this what would I have taught myself?????

Potential

Lately it occurred to me that I have grown lazy and rusty with age and so decided to put pen to paper only to find to my great consternation that I simply had lost the knack of conveying my thoughts. May be I was running out of ideas, may be I was getting sucked into the usual grind of going through the motions or may be I had placed my priorities in the place where they should not have been in the first place. I don't know. Thank God I realized it now rather than tomorrow. It would have been wonderful to have realized it yesterday as some of the damage could have been averted but anyway we can't change history.

Anyway without bemoaning over a sense of personal loss for too long, let us come to the main point directly. Mozart had once remarked "It is a pity that so many of us die with so  much of music left in us." So let us play all the music within us before we leave this planet and also learn some new notes along the way. Let no one bog you down with castigating remarks like you don't have the potential to handle this etc.

I am not going to bore anybody with the examples of people who were sneered at once and then went on to become champions in their respective fields of vocation by sheer will power and unwavering discipline and dedication. You can get that list on Facebook or just google it. But do that anyway. Will make for an interesting reading.

Don't give too much latitude to others to  make decisions on your behalf. Take charge of your life before someone else does that for you. There are chances that he will mess around without any repercussions. Know where to take your life to and act in consonance with your thoughts. Most of the people wish for something and then get dejected when life doesn't turn out that way. Don't wish. Think and act.

Pursue your goal with unwavering faith. If you want to be a good nurse, learn how to heal and don't care about people judging you. If you want to be a good teacher, learn how to teach and if you want to be a good businessman learn how to create value.

Now here is where it gets slightly controversial. People say you should be satisfied with what you have and Thank God for that. I too say you should be satisfied but only to an extent. There is a dangerous thin line separating "satisfaction" and "complacence". NEVER GET COMPLACENT and start basking in the glory of your achievements because soon you may have none. You may turn out to be like the quick hare who lost the race to a slow but steady tortoise because he got complacent with his pace and took a nap along the way. Always be on the prowl for the next best meal without snatching it from somebody's mouth.

Cultivating above mind-set and practicing it is a bit hard if not outright difficult given that we live amid societal/peer pressures where we at times have to fake things that we otherwise won't have done and are made to give up on things that we personally like because they don't have a social stamp on them. But then life comes with a premium. I am not advocating developing a "rebel without a cause" mentality where people would resort to "It is my life" type catch phrases at the slightest provocation lest it be confused with that. As Mozart said "let the music play."

My Pop

The AA flight 1633 landed in Seattle on Feb 23 2013. I was so elated that my parents had come to spend a few days with me here in Seattle little knowing that my joy was to be short lived.That my pop could not walk his way to the toilet and had to be escorted in a wheel chair was an ominous sign for me,an indicator towards the things to come, that he had come to stay in his Seattle home only for a little bit which he so longed for and then leave forever never to come back again.He had a tremendous will-power which made him sustain the long and arduous journey from New Delhi to Seattle despite his frail health. He bore tremendous pain for the last few months in order to mentally prepare us for the final outcome.

It was on 7th October 2013 that he finally decided it was not worth it anymore. His role in this drama of life having waned as of late he decided to exit the stage for good instead of hanging on the sidelines. He was always used to living life king-size and so could not reconcile to the fact of acting on the fringes.

Nothing changed for the world. The world didn't lose an eminent scientist or a leader or a sportsman so why should they grieve but my worldview would change herefrom. I lost my father. I lost the man who had given up his present to shape my future. I have heard many men claim with a sense of pride "I am a self made man". I proclaim with a higher sense of pride "I am my father'sman". He taught me everything under the sun be it from how to hold a pen (and I used the same hands to collect and immerse his asthis in the holy ganga) or how to lead a balanced life and not get carried away by pangs of sorrow or joy.

Sometimes I would not listen to him and would start arguing or being difficult but that didn't diminish his love for me by even one iota. Even though he taught me everything that you need to lead a disciplined life yet he never micro-managed my life as he was fully confident that his sound rearing could never go wrong.

Coming from a family of minimal means translated into getting a modest education so that he could get into the work force at an early age and start earning for his family. Yet he always made sure that he paid his bills on time, put food on the table and took proper care of all his responsibilities. He dreamed big for his children and was satisfied that his dreams had more or less borne fruit.

I very vividly remember when sometime back I had asked him whether my coming back to India would make him better again as I knew it was my settling in US that had made him miserable in the first place and he flat out rebuked me saying "No, focus on your career. There is nothing for you here. Don't ever say it again." But I will always have to live with the guilt that it was I who was responsible for the untimely death of my father and so should be tried for fratricide.

Even though he did not have any formal training in any of the skills that I am going to mention yet he could put any accomplished cook, mason, carpenter, electrician, architect... to shame. I am not trying to eulogize my father on all accounts now that he is gone. He did have his own limitations. He basked in the glory of his ordinariness even though his mental acumen was extraordinary.

Was I crying for my father or was I crying for myself (since who would love me now or fight with me) I don't know and may never reach such an elevated stage of realization where I can comprehend or claim to comprehend such things.

At least I can draw solace in the fact that his pain and misery came to an end, a solace in the fact that I am a copy (though a poor copy) of my father, a solace that he will continue to live through me, a solace in the fact that he lived his life to the full with almost no desire unfulfilled, a solace in the fact that we will be reunited after sometime. I want to wear his shirts and walk in his shoes so that his memory is not just symbolic but that I smell and feel him giving me the feeling of he being close to me. May be I am acting selfish but that is the way I am though I know he will always be watching me from up above.

At every step of performing oblations for my father I would be reminded unconsciously how this was the same man who had taught me all these things in the opening innings of my life and here I was using the same teachings to bring to a close his final innings on this planet. I was reminded how he would teach me to hold a pitcher of curd/water without spilling the contents and here I was holding his asthi kalash in  my lap very carefully lest it fall down. He had taught me how to tie the knot on my pajamas or shoe laces and I was tying the knot on his asthi kalash. Thanks Pop. What a contrast! RIP Papa RIP

Tapping Talents while rearing Children

We need to tap different people for their different talent sets which I am sure they will be possessing instead of measuring all of them with the same yard-stick that we r comfortable using because we have gotten used to it. We can'tallow a chef to operate on a patient,nor would we like a bridge to be designed by a surgeon instead of a structural engineer. Each of us has a role to play and let us try to play our role efficaciously rather than being poor xerox copies of others.

Instead of groping in the dark and talk about this wide subject tangentially, let me narrow down the scope of this piece as to how while rearing our children we are not able to tap into the talent pool available. The scope of this piece is definitely not aimed at how to tap the best gene-pool available or improving human species through eugenics, selective breeding etc. That is not my area of interest or expertise at all. Let us leave that to the Hitlers of our time. It is "How to get the most bang out of your buck (if that is what you would like to call it) and how not to get dejected even if the buck does not bang."

I have seen many parents (myself included) scolding their children and always comparing them with the kid down the lane "Hey see how good that boy is at studies, sports......." without realizing the potential that your kid has dormant or may be u have been comparing apples with oranges just because you like apples. You may be actually harming the prospects of your kid in a naive attempt at honing it. Please don't do  it.

On the other end of the spectrum there are parents that would shield their wards even if they did something wrong, unconsciously approving their behavior and distorting their personalities, always trying to find fault with the other kid. (I can excuse myself from this club with a clean heart).

Another aspect of human psychology that might be triggering this behavior is that we very quickly forget the good things that life has offered us but always consciously/unconsciously live with the painful memories. (Now protagonists of hedonism don't jump on me and start justifying their indulgence in sensual pleasures). If your kid has been good at something, chances are you will forget about it at the earliest opportunity, but rather you will remember the pain a particular failure of his will have given you. Failures are a way of life. Rather than get dejected we need to teach our kids (and ourselves included,not that I am good at it) to work despite it and not in it.

There is an old Chinese saying as per which "if you don't have a reason to spank your child, you should invent one." May be it has been said in just an allegorical sense where I stand to quote it out of context. But if it is supposed to mean what it says literally, then it represents a distorted comprehension of things. Parents may have used it as a disciplinary tool down the ages to induce a sense of discipline in their children. Nothing wrong in being disciplined, I can understand that unrestrained freedom brings about chaos and utter lack of respect for elders especially when no internal sense of differentiating between right and wrong has been ingrained in the subject. But using this preemptive strategy seems to stem out of fear and insecurity rather than love and caring.

Rather we should talk to our children as frequently and as widely as possible, have a two way dialogue with them instead of imposing our views on them. Yes equip them with "basic survival kit" before letting them free to roam the world on their own terms but don't  micro manage them. You won't be around to baby sit them always and anyway they won't be babies always. They will outgrow the mold one day and break it. As someone has said "It is a tragedy that so many people die with so much of music left in them." So let the music in them play out to its hilt. Don't be a hindrance to it.

The first thing towards that goal is not to have any expectations from your kid. Now this may have come across as a tough one. Every parent wishes his ward to score high on the tests,excel in sports, be a good athlete and all that forgetting that all of us are constrained by our limitations. I am not saying that we should not try to encourage our kids to develop along those lines but there has to be a touch of positive reinforcement about it where they know that if they falter they are backed by someone who won't let them fall rather than basing this endeavor on negative reinforcement criticizing everything that the kid does who ends up developing a very low self esteem because of this.

Developing different talents in a child also has some cultural underpinnings to it, depending on the financial, social, religious and a host of other reasons. Development of different talents is encouraged in different societies. Some societies place a premium on getting their wards well educated as that may be their only door towards freedom. Thus they invest highly on this one area at the cost of others which may be lying dormant in the child but never got a chance to vent out. Then there are other societies where financial insecurity may not be such an issue so that the child gets more wiggle room to experiment what he is best at, thus increasing his chances of success. Wish every child had an equal shot at success though we are not living in a Utopian world.

Children start out as clean slates but undergo a lot of indoctrination/conditioning be it because of imparting colored information we tout as education or making them follow the same path as we did. There is a fear inherent in all the parents that his child not evolve into a rebel challenging everything that he stood for. While it is a very noble thought to say "We should not color our kids' minds" nevertheless we do it all the time. May be sometimes it is not even wrong.

A child growing in an Indian family speaking a particular language develops a taste for a particular type of food, clothes, events and starts developing his own world view whereas a child growing in an American family will have all of these sources/definitions drawn from an entirely different lexicon. Their definition of two same words will never be the same even though the words will be same in essence. I sincerely don't think there should be any problem with it as long as the meaning is not lost in translation. It is here where the problem rears its head. Everything gets lost in translation or let us say we have not been able to find an efficient translator till date. We need to learn to live in harmony with each other respecting each others way of life without imposing our view on others. In fact we should not even have to learn it, it should be a natural instinct to accept the diverse things instead of looking at them as a threat to our existence.

We start rewarding a child for doing a job up to our expectations the same way we teach tricks to pets. And soon he develops a mindset of executing a job not because it mandates merit but because it gets him a fat reward. Now pursuing those endeavors that get you a reward may not be practically bad at all but isn't that where we sow the seed of greed if that is not gross exaggeration. Doesn't that run contrary to the Hindu concept of "Niskaam Karm" or the saying "The fruit of a deed well done lies in the deed itself".

To sum it up what we can practically do as parents is to try to minimize the Dos and Don'ts that we impose on our children, try not to micro manage their lives,try not to live vicariously through them, let them lead their lives fully on their own terms, face their miseries as well as indulge in their pleasures, see the world through their own eyes, embrace it with their own arms. Let them be themselves.

Duniya

The world is a strange place. Sometimes I find it hard to live out here whereas at other times,I am thankful that I have been able to keep a calm head above my shoulders for so long and hope that will continue to be the case till I exit from the stage.

We wreak havoc upon others just to amass more fortunes and ironically we do that in the garb of liberating the same people whom we kill. Mankind has become smart at inflicting miseries on others of its kind and at the same time coming up with strangely concocted 'alibis' that even a consummate lawyer would find hard to challenge.

We have grown intolerant of each other bearing the mentality of "mine is the only way to live" and others' ways of doing things have to be undermined at all costs looking at the world with colored lenses, refusing to  let go of our prejudices and biases. Remember there are a hundred different ways to skin a cat.

Is it a new form of cannibalism or have we always had that cannibalistic instinct in us or is it a stretch of imagination to cal it "cannibalism"? I don't know the answers to these questions. I am jut thinking aloud.

Some may interpret it as fighting to survive as only the fittest would survive to evolve. But I would call that as gross misinterpretation of Darwin's "Evolution Theory". In fact, we should learn it from animals. Let nature take its own due course. We can't confuse leg pulling with survival of the fittest. To some extent the instinct to harm/immobilize others stems from our own insecurities. If a person is secure enough he does not need to weave a web to trap others in it or a shell to protect himself from predators.

Now the question is how does he make himself secure. The answer though seemingly simple is that he open up and embrace the whole world with his arms. We/our forefathers have done a grave injustice to this planet by dividing it into artificial chunks called "countries". We have demarcated land borders and even divided waters. But that does not prevent the waters of a river from emptying its contents in another country (though to us/tax authorities that may seem something amounting to money laundering). May be that is why the concept of owning land seemed so out of this world to aboriginal Americans that they could never comprehend it.

But one side opening its frontiers may make it more vulnerable to attacks/barbs from the other side especially if the other side does not reciprocate. No treaties, armistices etc are going to ratify that sentiment. The only thing that can help is an evolution of the human consciousness, a little bit more maturity on our part to handle the fire without getting burned because if we don't do so  now, the human species might not be there in future. Though the earth might be relieved of a big burden but we would have done a grave injustice to our children because of our immaturity.

Wish I had the answers to above questions as you might be thinking by now that this man is raising more questions than proposing solutions.

Ten Commandments for Ishna

1. Have a dream. Dream big and then work hard to realize that dream but don't get dejected if even after your full efforts u r not able to realize the goal. Let it go. Don't get attached emotionally.

2. Dare to speak your mind out always living by your convictions. Never think about how popular or unpopular sharing a particular belief is going to make you. The only thing to take care is to be considerate of others and not being arrogant but have an opinion and stick to it. Remember a rolling stone does not gather any moss.

3. Life will always throw two choices at you whenever u r faced with hurdles ... be it in your personal life or professional life. Either be on the problem solving team or be an eternal cribber complaining about everything and anything. Always be on the problem solving team instead of cribbing about it. People are defined not by absence/presence of events in their lives but by how they rise to the occasion, not by their reactions but by their responses. You can well convert a failure into an opportunity. Depends on how u look at it and tackle it. This is when the leader in u peeps out.

4. Carry a deep sense of pride about doing things your way. That does not mean u should criticize or demean others' ways of doing things.All of us do things in our own way,the way that suits our life-styles, temperaments,  budgets, social strata....But never should we allow others to demean us or try to demean others just because they are different than us.

5. Be committed to your work. Don't rest until the task u r on is not finished. Always be willing to accept more work without being made a dumping bag by the couch potatoes.Never complain about being too busy not to be able to dedicate time to another assignment that is thrown at u. Remember the best way to get a work done is to give it to the busiest person in the room. Work out the details of a job to the minutest level possible but don't be a micro manager. Be a big picture guy.

6. Listen to the feed-back that people will give you but don't be pulled down by their criticism. Learn to know the difference. Similarly appreciate the subtle differences between seemingly similar words as that will help u go a long way in your life. Be self respecting but not haughty, humble but not servile, opinionated but not arrogant, doubtful but not faithless......

7. Remember "Equality" is a big sham. There will always be people better than you-learn from them and there will be people slower than you-teach them. Please don't misinterpret me to mean you should discriminate among people on the basis of their skin color, religion,nationality etc. Many of these things don't mean much anyway. I would like you to appreciate the uniqueness among all individuals rather than trying to put them on the same podium.

8. People always ascribe "rights" to themselves and assign "duties" to others. I would like to c u on the opposite side of the mirror. Always carry out what you think are your duties without aspiring for rights. There is nothing like a right. We just lend exigency to something that we feel comfortable with and later begin to drum it as our right.

9. Learn to take responsibility for things-especially when they go wrong. Nobody expects u 2 b perfect (and even if they would, u r not answerable to anybody and then perfection is a relative term). Don't be a face in the crowd pointing fingers at others when things go wrong and wanting all the laurels to come your way for a job well done (may b by others).

10. Last but not the least learn from others' mistakes. U can't make all of them yourself. One lifetime will be too short for that.

Your Dad

Selfishness

What is the difference between selfishness and self preservation if any or are they two different faces of the same coin? I personally don't think they are the same. A subtle difference separates them. But the difference is so blurry that we often oscillate back and forth from one end of the pendulum to the other without we ourselves knowing where we are. At other times not knowing or pretending not to know serves us well.

While it is perfectly alright to further your interests but it amounts to selfishness if others are hurt in  that pursuit of yours. Now if others got hurt because of their own naivety (suppose a pedestrian jumps a red light and lands underneath your wheels) then at least you have the benefit of doubt on your side of not being hurtful intentionally. But if you know well upfront about the adverse fall-out of your actions on others and still execute it in your self-interest, then however smart you might get with words it falls under the category of "selfishness".

Selfishness also may amount to selectively caring for those or investing in avenues where the potential of return is good. We may not care for our parents as they are a spent force and anyway their days on this planet are numbered (for that matter anybody's days are numbered, it is just that their numbers might have reached single digits or so).

By contrast how much do we care for our spouses or children may be thinking at the back of our minds that the same will yield good results in future. Now I am not trying to belittle the noble thought of caring for your children lest someone sees me as a monster trying to do so. Every child is a prince/princess to his/her parents. 

I am not trying to drive a wedge by highlighting these contrasts but only get appalled when people while justifying their choices start perverting the paradigms so that they come out clean.Hey! Nobody is judging you.Maybe it is a "self preserving" biological mechanism of trying to save yourself from pangs of guilt that clicks in automatically without you even knowing it. May be it depends on how open a person is to criticism or how closed he is thinking "Mine is the only way to live.There can be no other better way of doing things than the way I am doing" forgetting that even the Gods have been put to tests.

Self preservation on the other hand is the art of acting in order to survive despite all odds. You don't offer yourself as food to a predator in case it pounces upon you. Rather you kill it. Nothing wrong here. You fight a war if it is brought upon you by someone trying to steal something in your possession. You are not acting in selfishness here but out of an inborn instinct of self preservation. Selfishness stems out of greed whereas self preservation does not stem out of anything. It is lying dormant in you and becomes active only when your existence is threatened.

It is here that the "survival of the fittest" comes into play as the species that evolves over a period of time/acclimatizes itself to the changed surroundings etc will be the one to survive and preserve its self. 

Self effacing is quite another dimension of a person who may have evolved beyond those realms where these things have little meaning. This is for another audience and not for ordinary mortals like us. Let me bask in the glory of ordinariness.

welcome

Welcome to All of You!