The AA flight 1633 landed in Seattle on Feb 23 2013. I was so elated that my parents had come to spend a few days with me here in Seattle little knowing that my joy was to be short lived.That my pop could not walk his way to the toilet and had to be escorted in a wheel chair was an ominous sign for me,an indicator towards the things to come, that he had come to stay in his Seattle home only for a little bit which he so longed for and then leave forever never to come back again.He had a tremendous will-power which made him sustain the long and arduous journey from New Delhi to Seattle despite his frail health. He bore tremendous pain for the last few months in order to mentally prepare us for the final outcome.
It was on 7th October 2013 that he finally decided it was not worth it anymore. His role in this drama of life having waned as of late he decided to exit the stage for good instead of hanging on the sidelines. He was always used to living life king-size and so could not reconcile to the fact of acting on the fringes.
Nothing changed for the world. The world didn't lose an eminent scientist or a leader or a sportsman so why should they grieve but my worldview would change herefrom. I lost my father. I lost the man who had given up his present to shape my future. I have heard many men claim with a sense of pride "I am a self made man". I proclaim with a higher sense of pride "I am my father'sman". He taught me everything under the sun be it from how to hold a pen (and I used the same hands to collect and immerse his asthis in the holy ganga) or how to lead a balanced life and not get carried away by pangs of sorrow or joy.
Sometimes I would not listen to him and would start arguing or being difficult but that didn't diminish his love for me by even one iota. Even though he taught me everything that you need to lead a disciplined life yet he never micro-managed my life as he was fully confident that his sound rearing could never go wrong.
Coming from a family of minimal means translated into getting a modest education so that he could get into the work force at an early age and start earning for his family. Yet he always made sure that he paid his bills on time, put food on the table and took proper care of all his responsibilities. He dreamed big for his children and was satisfied that his dreams had more or less borne fruit.
I very vividly remember when sometime back I had asked him whether my coming back to India would make him better again as I knew it was my settling in US that had made him miserable in the first place and he flat out rebuked me saying "No, focus on your career. There is nothing for you here. Don't ever say it again." But I will always have to live with the guilt that it was I who was responsible for the untimely death of my father and so should be tried for fratricide.
Even though he did not have any formal training in any of the skills that I am going to mention yet he could put any accomplished cook, mason, carpenter, electrician, architect... to shame. I am not trying to eulogize my father on all accounts now that he is gone. He did have his own limitations. He basked in the glory of his ordinariness even though his mental acumen was extraordinary.
Was I crying for my father or was I crying for myself (since who would love me now or fight with me) I don't know and may never reach such an elevated stage of realization where I can comprehend or claim to comprehend such things.
At least I can draw solace in the fact that his pain and misery came to an end, a solace in the fact that I am a copy (though a poor copy) of my father, a solace that he will continue to live through me, a solace in the fact that he lived his life to the full with almost no desire unfulfilled, a solace in the fact that we will be reunited after sometime. I want to wear his shirts and walk in his shoes so that his memory is not just symbolic but that I smell and feel him giving me the feeling of he being close to me. May be I am acting selfish but that is the way I am though I know he will always be watching me from up above.
At every step of performing oblations for my father I would be reminded unconsciously how this was the same man who had taught me all these things in the opening innings of my life and here I was using the same teachings to bring to a close his final innings on this planet. I was reminded how he would teach me to hold a pitcher of curd/water without spilling the contents and here I was holding his asthi kalash in my lap very carefully lest it fall down. He had taught me how to tie the knot on my pajamas or shoe laces and I was tying the knot on his asthi kalash. Thanks Pop. What a contrast! RIP Papa RIP
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Tapping Talents while rearing Children
We need to tap different people for their different talent sets which I am sure they will be possessing instead of measuring all of them with the same yard-stick that we r comfortable using because we have gotten used to it. We can'tallow a chef to operate on a patient,nor would we like a bridge to be designed by a surgeon instead of a structural engineer. Each of us has a role to play and let us try to play our role efficaciously rather than being poor xerox copies of others.
Instead of groping in the dark and talk about this wide subject tangentially, let me narrow down the scope of this piece as to how while rearing our children we are not able to tap into the talent pool available. The scope of this piece is definitely not aimed at how to tap the best gene-pool available or improving human species through eugenics, selective breeding etc. That is not my area of interest or expertise at all. Let us leave that to the Hitlers of our time. It is "How to get the most bang out of your buck (if that is what you would like to call it) and how not to get dejected even if the buck does not bang."
I have seen many parents (myself included) scolding their children and always comparing them with the kid down the lane "Hey see how good that boy is at studies, sports......." without realizing the potential that your kid has dormant or may be u have been comparing apples with oranges just because you like apples. You may be actually harming the prospects of your kid in a naive attempt at honing it. Please don't do it.
On the other end of the spectrum there are parents that would shield their wards even if they did something wrong, unconsciously approving their behavior and distorting their personalities, always trying to find fault with the other kid. (I can excuse myself from this club with a clean heart).
Another aspect of human psychology that might be triggering this behavior is that we very quickly forget the good things that life has offered us but always consciously/unconsciously live with the painful memories. (Now protagonists of hedonism don't jump on me and start justifying their indulgence in sensual pleasures). If your kid has been good at something, chances are you will forget about it at the earliest opportunity, but rather you will remember the pain a particular failure of his will have given you. Failures are a way of life. Rather than get dejected we need to teach our kids (and ourselves included,not that I am good at it) to work despite it and not in it.
There is an old Chinese saying as per which "if you don't have a reason to spank your child, you should invent one." May be it has been said in just an allegorical sense where I stand to quote it out of context. But if it is supposed to mean what it says literally, then it represents a distorted comprehension of things. Parents may have used it as a disciplinary tool down the ages to induce a sense of discipline in their children. Nothing wrong in being disciplined, I can understand that unrestrained freedom brings about chaos and utter lack of respect for elders especially when no internal sense of differentiating between right and wrong has been ingrained in the subject. But using this preemptive strategy seems to stem out of fear and insecurity rather than love and caring.
Rather we should talk to our children as frequently and as widely as possible, have a two way dialogue with them instead of imposing our views on them. Yes equip them with "basic survival kit" before letting them free to roam the world on their own terms but don't micro manage them. You won't be around to baby sit them always and anyway they won't be babies always. They will outgrow the mold one day and break it. As someone has said "It is a tragedy that so many people die with so much of music left in them." So let the music in them play out to its hilt. Don't be a hindrance to it.
The first thing towards that goal is not to have any expectations from your kid. Now this may have come across as a tough one. Every parent wishes his ward to score high on the tests,excel in sports, be a good athlete and all that forgetting that all of us are constrained by our limitations. I am not saying that we should not try to encourage our kids to develop along those lines but there has to be a touch of positive reinforcement about it where they know that if they falter they are backed by someone who won't let them fall rather than basing this endeavor on negative reinforcement criticizing everything that the kid does who ends up developing a very low self esteem because of this.
Developing different talents in a child also has some cultural underpinnings to it, depending on the financial, social, religious and a host of other reasons. Development of different talents is encouraged in different societies. Some societies place a premium on getting their wards well educated as that may be their only door towards freedom. Thus they invest highly on this one area at the cost of others which may be lying dormant in the child but never got a chance to vent out. Then there are other societies where financial insecurity may not be such an issue so that the child gets more wiggle room to experiment what he is best at, thus increasing his chances of success. Wish every child had an equal shot at success though we are not living in a Utopian world.
Children start out as clean slates but undergo a lot of indoctrination/conditioning be it because of imparting colored information we tout as education or making them follow the same path as we did. There is a fear inherent in all the parents that his child not evolve into a rebel challenging everything that he stood for. While it is a very noble thought to say "We should not color our kids' minds" nevertheless we do it all the time. May be sometimes it is not even wrong.
A child growing in an Indian family speaking a particular language develops a taste for a particular type of food, clothes, events and starts developing his own world view whereas a child growing in an American family will have all of these sources/definitions drawn from an entirely different lexicon. Their definition of two same words will never be the same even though the words will be same in essence. I sincerely don't think there should be any problem with it as long as the meaning is not lost in translation. It is here where the problem rears its head. Everything gets lost in translation or let us say we have not been able to find an efficient translator till date. We need to learn to live in harmony with each other respecting each others way of life without imposing our view on others. In fact we should not even have to learn it, it should be a natural instinct to accept the diverse things instead of looking at them as a threat to our existence.
We start rewarding a child for doing a job up to our expectations the same way we teach tricks to pets. And soon he develops a mindset of executing a job not because it mandates merit but because it gets him a fat reward. Now pursuing those endeavors that get you a reward may not be practically bad at all but isn't that where we sow the seed of greed if that is not gross exaggeration. Doesn't that run contrary to the Hindu concept of "Niskaam Karm" or the saying "The fruit of a deed well done lies in the deed itself".
To sum it up what we can practically do as parents is to try to minimize the Dos and Don'ts that we impose on our children, try not to micro manage their lives,try not to live vicariously through them, let them lead their lives fully on their own terms, face their miseries as well as indulge in their pleasures, see the world through their own eyes, embrace it with their own arms. Let them be themselves.
Instead of groping in the dark and talk about this wide subject tangentially, let me narrow down the scope of this piece as to how while rearing our children we are not able to tap into the talent pool available. The scope of this piece is definitely not aimed at how to tap the best gene-pool available or improving human species through eugenics, selective breeding etc. That is not my area of interest or expertise at all. Let us leave that to the Hitlers of our time. It is "How to get the most bang out of your buck (if that is what you would like to call it) and how not to get dejected even if the buck does not bang."
I have seen many parents (myself included) scolding their children and always comparing them with the kid down the lane "Hey see how good that boy is at studies, sports......." without realizing the potential that your kid has dormant or may be u have been comparing apples with oranges just because you like apples. You may be actually harming the prospects of your kid in a naive attempt at honing it. Please don't do it.
On the other end of the spectrum there are parents that would shield their wards even if they did something wrong, unconsciously approving their behavior and distorting their personalities, always trying to find fault with the other kid. (I can excuse myself from this club with a clean heart).
Another aspect of human psychology that might be triggering this behavior is that we very quickly forget the good things that life has offered us but always consciously/unconsciously live with the painful memories. (Now protagonists of hedonism don't jump on me and start justifying their indulgence in sensual pleasures). If your kid has been good at something, chances are you will forget about it at the earliest opportunity, but rather you will remember the pain a particular failure of his will have given you. Failures are a way of life. Rather than get dejected we need to teach our kids (and ourselves included,not that I am good at it) to work despite it and not in it.
There is an old Chinese saying as per which "if you don't have a reason to spank your child, you should invent one." May be it has been said in just an allegorical sense where I stand to quote it out of context. But if it is supposed to mean what it says literally, then it represents a distorted comprehension of things. Parents may have used it as a disciplinary tool down the ages to induce a sense of discipline in their children. Nothing wrong in being disciplined, I can understand that unrestrained freedom brings about chaos and utter lack of respect for elders especially when no internal sense of differentiating between right and wrong has been ingrained in the subject. But using this preemptive strategy seems to stem out of fear and insecurity rather than love and caring.
Rather we should talk to our children as frequently and as widely as possible, have a two way dialogue with them instead of imposing our views on them. Yes equip them with "basic survival kit" before letting them free to roam the world on their own terms but don't micro manage them. You won't be around to baby sit them always and anyway they won't be babies always. They will outgrow the mold one day and break it. As someone has said "It is a tragedy that so many people die with so much of music left in them." So let the music in them play out to its hilt. Don't be a hindrance to it.
The first thing towards that goal is not to have any expectations from your kid. Now this may have come across as a tough one. Every parent wishes his ward to score high on the tests,excel in sports, be a good athlete and all that forgetting that all of us are constrained by our limitations. I am not saying that we should not try to encourage our kids to develop along those lines but there has to be a touch of positive reinforcement about it where they know that if they falter they are backed by someone who won't let them fall rather than basing this endeavor on negative reinforcement criticizing everything that the kid does who ends up developing a very low self esteem because of this.
Developing different talents in a child also has some cultural underpinnings to it, depending on the financial, social, religious and a host of other reasons. Development of different talents is encouraged in different societies. Some societies place a premium on getting their wards well educated as that may be their only door towards freedom. Thus they invest highly on this one area at the cost of others which may be lying dormant in the child but never got a chance to vent out. Then there are other societies where financial insecurity may not be such an issue so that the child gets more wiggle room to experiment what he is best at, thus increasing his chances of success. Wish every child had an equal shot at success though we are not living in a Utopian world.
Children start out as clean slates but undergo a lot of indoctrination/conditioning be it because of imparting colored information we tout as education or making them follow the same path as we did. There is a fear inherent in all the parents that his child not evolve into a rebel challenging everything that he stood for. While it is a very noble thought to say "We should not color our kids' minds" nevertheless we do it all the time. May be sometimes it is not even wrong.
A child growing in an Indian family speaking a particular language develops a taste for a particular type of food, clothes, events and starts developing his own world view whereas a child growing in an American family will have all of these sources/definitions drawn from an entirely different lexicon. Their definition of two same words will never be the same even though the words will be same in essence. I sincerely don't think there should be any problem with it as long as the meaning is not lost in translation. It is here where the problem rears its head. Everything gets lost in translation or let us say we have not been able to find an efficient translator till date. We need to learn to live in harmony with each other respecting each others way of life without imposing our view on others. In fact we should not even have to learn it, it should be a natural instinct to accept the diverse things instead of looking at them as a threat to our existence.
We start rewarding a child for doing a job up to our expectations the same way we teach tricks to pets. And soon he develops a mindset of executing a job not because it mandates merit but because it gets him a fat reward. Now pursuing those endeavors that get you a reward may not be practically bad at all but isn't that where we sow the seed of greed if that is not gross exaggeration. Doesn't that run contrary to the Hindu concept of "Niskaam Karm" or the saying "The fruit of a deed well done lies in the deed itself".
To sum it up what we can practically do as parents is to try to minimize the Dos and Don'ts that we impose on our children, try not to micro manage their lives,try not to live vicariously through them, let them lead their lives fully on their own terms, face their miseries as well as indulge in their pleasures, see the world through their own eyes, embrace it with their own arms. Let them be themselves.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Duniya
The world is a strange place. Sometimes I find it hard to live out here whereas at other times,I am thankful that I have been able to keep a calm head above my shoulders for so long and hope that will continue to be the case till I exit from the stage.
We wreak havoc upon others just to amass more fortunes and ironically we do that in the garb of liberating the same people whom we kill. Mankind has become smart at inflicting miseries on others of its kind and at the same time coming up with strangely concocted 'alibis' that even a consummate lawyer would find hard to challenge.
We have grown intolerant of each other bearing the mentality of "mine is the only way to live" and others' ways of doing things have to be undermined at all costs looking at the world with colored lenses, refusing to let go of our prejudices and biases. Remember there are a hundred different ways to skin a cat.
Is it a new form of cannibalism or have we always had that cannibalistic instinct in us or is it a stretch of imagination to cal it "cannibalism"? I don't know the answers to these questions. I am jut thinking aloud.
Some may interpret it as fighting to survive as only the fittest would survive to evolve. But I would call that as gross misinterpretation of Darwin's "Evolution Theory". In fact, we should learn it from animals. Let nature take its own due course. We can't confuse leg pulling with survival of the fittest. To some extent the instinct to harm/immobilize others stems from our own insecurities. If a person is secure enough he does not need to weave a web to trap others in it or a shell to protect himself from predators.
Now the question is how does he make himself secure. The answer though seemingly simple is that he open up and embrace the whole world with his arms. We/our forefathers have done a grave injustice to this planet by dividing it into artificial chunks called "countries". We have demarcated land borders and even divided waters. But that does not prevent the waters of a river from emptying its contents in another country (though to us/tax authorities that may seem something amounting to money laundering). May be that is why the concept of owning land seemed so out of this world to aboriginal Americans that they could never comprehend it.
But one side opening its frontiers may make it more vulnerable to attacks/barbs from the other side especially if the other side does not reciprocate. No treaties, armistices etc are going to ratify that sentiment. The only thing that can help is an evolution of the human consciousness, a little bit more maturity on our part to handle the fire without getting burned because if we don't do so now, the human species might not be there in future. Though the earth might be relieved of a big burden but we would have done a grave injustice to our children because of our immaturity.
Wish I had the answers to above questions as you might be thinking by now that this man is raising more questions than proposing solutions.
We wreak havoc upon others just to amass more fortunes and ironically we do that in the garb of liberating the same people whom we kill. Mankind has become smart at inflicting miseries on others of its kind and at the same time coming up with strangely concocted 'alibis' that even a consummate lawyer would find hard to challenge.
We have grown intolerant of each other bearing the mentality of "mine is the only way to live" and others' ways of doing things have to be undermined at all costs looking at the world with colored lenses, refusing to let go of our prejudices and biases. Remember there are a hundred different ways to skin a cat.
Is it a new form of cannibalism or have we always had that cannibalistic instinct in us or is it a stretch of imagination to cal it "cannibalism"? I don't know the answers to these questions. I am jut thinking aloud.
Some may interpret it as fighting to survive as only the fittest would survive to evolve. But I would call that as gross misinterpretation of Darwin's "Evolution Theory". In fact, we should learn it from animals. Let nature take its own due course. We can't confuse leg pulling with survival of the fittest. To some extent the instinct to harm/immobilize others stems from our own insecurities. If a person is secure enough he does not need to weave a web to trap others in it or a shell to protect himself from predators.
Now the question is how does he make himself secure. The answer though seemingly simple is that he open up and embrace the whole world with his arms. We/our forefathers have done a grave injustice to this planet by dividing it into artificial chunks called "countries". We have demarcated land borders and even divided waters. But that does not prevent the waters of a river from emptying its contents in another country (though to us/tax authorities that may seem something amounting to money laundering). May be that is why the concept of owning land seemed so out of this world to aboriginal Americans that they could never comprehend it.
But one side opening its frontiers may make it more vulnerable to attacks/barbs from the other side especially if the other side does not reciprocate. No treaties, armistices etc are going to ratify that sentiment. The only thing that can help is an evolution of the human consciousness, a little bit more maturity on our part to handle the fire without getting burned because if we don't do so now, the human species might not be there in future. Though the earth might be relieved of a big burden but we would have done a grave injustice to our children because of our immaturity.
Wish I had the answers to above questions as you might be thinking by now that this man is raising more questions than proposing solutions.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Ten Commandments for Ishna
1. Have a dream. Dream big and then work hard to realize that dream but don't get dejected if even after your full efforts u r not able to realize the goal. Let it go. Don't get attached emotionally.
2. Dare to speak your mind out always living by your convictions. Never think about how popular or unpopular sharing a particular belief is going to make you. The only thing to take care is to be considerate of others and not being arrogant but have an opinion and stick to it. Remember a rolling stone does not gather any moss.
3. Life will always throw two choices at you whenever u r faced with hurdles ... be it in your personal life or professional life. Either be on the problem solving team or be an eternal cribber complaining about everything and anything. Always be on the problem solving team instead of cribbing about it. People are defined not by absence/presence of events in their lives but by how they rise to the occasion, not by their reactions but by their responses. You can well convert a failure into an opportunity. Depends on how u look at it and tackle it. This is when the leader in u peeps out.
4. Carry a deep sense of pride about doing things your way. That does not mean u should criticize or demean others' ways of doing things.All of us do things in our own way,the way that suits our life-styles, temperaments, budgets, social strata....But never should we allow others to demean us or try to demean others just because they are different than us.
5. Be committed to your work. Don't rest until the task u r on is not finished. Always be willing to accept more work without being made a dumping bag by the couch potatoes.Never complain about being too busy not to be able to dedicate time to another assignment that is thrown at u. Remember the best way to get a work done is to give it to the busiest person in the room. Work out the details of a job to the minutest level possible but don't be a micro manager. Be a big picture guy.
6. Listen to the feed-back that people will give you but don't be pulled down by their criticism. Learn to know the difference. Similarly appreciate the subtle differences between seemingly similar words as that will help u go a long way in your life. Be self respecting but not haughty, humble but not servile, opinionated but not arrogant, doubtful but not faithless......
7. Remember "Equality" is a big sham. There will always be people better than you-learn from them and there will be people slower than you-teach them. Please don't misinterpret me to mean you should discriminate among people on the basis of their skin color, religion,nationality etc. Many of these things don't mean much anyway. I would like you to appreciate the uniqueness among all individuals rather than trying to put them on the same podium.
8. People always ascribe "rights" to themselves and assign "duties" to others. I would like to c u on the opposite side of the mirror. Always carry out what you think are your duties without aspiring for rights. There is nothing like a right. We just lend exigency to something that we feel comfortable with and later begin to drum it as our right.
9. Learn to take responsibility for things-especially when they go wrong. Nobody expects u 2 b perfect (and even if they would, u r not answerable to anybody and then perfection is a relative term). Don't be a face in the crowd pointing fingers at others when things go wrong and wanting all the laurels to come your way for a job well done (may b by others).
10. Last but not the least learn from others' mistakes. U can't make all of them yourself. One lifetime will be too short for that.
Your Dad
2. Dare to speak your mind out always living by your convictions. Never think about how popular or unpopular sharing a particular belief is going to make you. The only thing to take care is to be considerate of others and not being arrogant but have an opinion and stick to it. Remember a rolling stone does not gather any moss.
3. Life will always throw two choices at you whenever u r faced with hurdles ... be it in your personal life or professional life. Either be on the problem solving team or be an eternal cribber complaining about everything and anything. Always be on the problem solving team instead of cribbing about it. People are defined not by absence/presence of events in their lives but by how they rise to the occasion, not by their reactions but by their responses. You can well convert a failure into an opportunity. Depends on how u look at it and tackle it. This is when the leader in u peeps out.
4. Carry a deep sense of pride about doing things your way. That does not mean u should criticize or demean others' ways of doing things.All of us do things in our own way,the way that suits our life-styles, temperaments, budgets, social strata....But never should we allow others to demean us or try to demean others just because they are different than us.
5. Be committed to your work. Don't rest until the task u r on is not finished. Always be willing to accept more work without being made a dumping bag by the couch potatoes.Never complain about being too busy not to be able to dedicate time to another assignment that is thrown at u. Remember the best way to get a work done is to give it to the busiest person in the room. Work out the details of a job to the minutest level possible but don't be a micro manager. Be a big picture guy.
6. Listen to the feed-back that people will give you but don't be pulled down by their criticism. Learn to know the difference. Similarly appreciate the subtle differences between seemingly similar words as that will help u go a long way in your life. Be self respecting but not haughty, humble but not servile, opinionated but not arrogant, doubtful but not faithless......
7. Remember "Equality" is a big sham. There will always be people better than you-learn from them and there will be people slower than you-teach them. Please don't misinterpret me to mean you should discriminate among people on the basis of their skin color, religion,nationality etc. Many of these things don't mean much anyway. I would like you to appreciate the uniqueness among all individuals rather than trying to put them on the same podium.
8. People always ascribe "rights" to themselves and assign "duties" to others. I would like to c u on the opposite side of the mirror. Always carry out what you think are your duties without aspiring for rights. There is nothing like a right. We just lend exigency to something that we feel comfortable with and later begin to drum it as our right.
9. Learn to take responsibility for things-especially when they go wrong. Nobody expects u 2 b perfect (and even if they would, u r not answerable to anybody and then perfection is a relative term). Don't be a face in the crowd pointing fingers at others when things go wrong and wanting all the laurels to come your way for a job well done (may b by others).
10. Last but not the least learn from others' mistakes. U can't make all of them yourself. One lifetime will be too short for that.
Your Dad
Monday, July 29, 2013
Selfishness
What is the difference between selfishness and self preservation if any or are they two different faces of the same coin? I personally don't think they are the same. A subtle difference separates them. But the difference is so blurry that we often oscillate back and forth from one end of the pendulum to the other without we ourselves knowing where we are. At other times not knowing or pretending not to know serves us well.
While it is perfectly alright to further your interests but it amounts to selfishness if others are hurt in that pursuit of yours. Now if others got hurt because of their own naivety (suppose a pedestrian jumps a red light and lands underneath your wheels) then at least you have the benefit of doubt on your side of not being hurtful intentionally. But if you know well upfront about the adverse fall-out of your actions on others and still execute it in your self-interest, then however smart you might get with words it falls under the category of "selfishness".
Selfishness also may amount to selectively caring for those or investing in avenues where the potential of return is good. We may not care for our parents as they are a spent force and anyway their days on this planet are numbered (for that matter anybody's days are numbered, it is just that their numbers might have reached single digits or so).
By contrast how much do we care for our spouses or children may be thinking at the back of our minds that the same will yield good results in future. Now I am not trying to belittle the noble thought of caring for your children lest someone sees me as a monster trying to do so. Every child is a prince/princess to his/her parents.
I am not trying to drive a wedge by highlighting these contrasts but only get appalled when people while justifying their choices start perverting the paradigms so that they come out clean.Hey! Nobody is judging you.Maybe it is a "self preserving" biological mechanism of trying to save yourself from pangs of guilt that clicks in automatically without you even knowing it. May be it depends on how open a person is to criticism or how closed he is thinking "Mine is the only way to live.There can be no other better way of doing things than the way I am doing" forgetting that even the Gods have been put to tests.
Self preservation on the other hand is the art of acting in order to survive despite all odds. You don't offer yourself as food to a predator in case it pounces upon you. Rather you kill it. Nothing wrong here. You fight a war if it is brought upon you by someone trying to steal something in your possession. You are not acting in selfishness here but out of an inborn instinct of self preservation. Selfishness stems out of greed whereas self preservation does not stem out of anything. It is lying dormant in you and becomes active only when your existence is threatened.
It is here that the "survival of the fittest" comes into play as the species that evolves over a period of time/acclimatizes itself to the changed surroundings etc will be the one to survive and preserve its self.
Self effacing is quite another dimension of a person who may have evolved beyond those realms where these things have little meaning. This is for another audience and not for ordinary mortals like us. Let me bask in the glory of ordinariness.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)